Dwight K Schrute is on Facebook
by Emily92
Summary: In which Dwight joins Facebook and nothing of great significance happens. Jim bothers Dwight, and Dwight and Holly discuss The X-Files.


**Author's Notes: **Occurs post this past season's finale.

**Disclaimer:** By now, we all know that none of this stuff belongs to me.

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**Dwight K Schrute is on Facebook**

**Dwight K. Schrute** has arrived, and it's going to be better than the series finale of Lost. Mark my words.

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_Recent Activity:_

Dwight and **Michael Scott** are friends.

**Dwight K. Schrute** likes this

Dwight and **Rolf Urbaniak** are friends.

Dwight and **Kelly Kapoor** are friends.

Dwight likes _**Battlestar Gallactica**_.

Dwight likes _**The Amazing Race**_.

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**Dwight K. Schrute** Lost series finale was beautiful. That was one of television's greatest shows, and I and anyone else with a brain will miss it.

**Rolf Urbaniak **likes this

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_Recent Activity:_

Dwight and **Jim Halpert** are friends.

Dwight and **Toby Flenderson** are friends.

Dwight likes _**Lost.**_

Dwight likes _**Harry Potter.**_

Dwight likes **beet farming**.

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**Jim Halpert** Dwight. Finally decided to join us, I see.

**Dwight K. Schrute** Don't pollute my wall with your foulness, Jim.

**Jim Halpert** Tssk, tssk. What would Dumbledore say about that attitude?

**Dwight K. Schrute **Anything you say about HP is void because you've only seen the movies and haven't read the books.

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_Recent Activity:_

Dwight and** Kelly Erin Hannon** are friends.

Dwight and **Darryl Philben **are friends.

Dwight likes _**Smallville.**_

Dwight likes _**Star Wars.**_

_**

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**Rolf Urbaniak **Epic day with **Dwight K. Schrute **ahead.

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_Recent Activity:_

Dwight and **Holly Flax** are friends.

Dwight and **David Wallace** are friends.

Dwight likes **Second Life**.

Dwight joined the group, "Lackawanna Country Volunteer Sheriffs."

**Jim Halpert** Liar.

**Dwight K. Schrute **What are you spewing on about now, Jim? I know I told you to get off of my wall.

**Jim Halpert **I could make a comment about grammar right now, but I won't. The issue at hand right now is that you are NOT a volunteer sheriff anymore. I believe you resigned several years ago.

**Dwight K. Schrute **That's true,but with all of the experience I had, I can offer advice to the current volunteers. Idiot.

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**Dwight K. Schrute** "Part of getting a second chance is taking responsibility for what you did wrong in the first place" – Jack Bauer

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**Rolf Urbaniak **

In this album: **Dwight K. Schrute**

Paintball

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**Dwight K. Schrute **Work tomorrow, which means being **Michael Scott**'s second-in-comment and being constantly pestered by the inept **Jim Halpert**. But despite Jim, the paper industry is indeed a noble one.

**Michael Scott** You're such a weirdo.

**Jim Halpert ** Paper industry is noble DESPITE Jim? What? What inaccuracies are you going viral with, Dwight?

**Dwight K. Schrute **Fact: I am better than you.

**Michael Scott **Oh, shut it, Dwight.

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**Dwight K. Schrute **Watching The Amazing Race. Some contestants are promising, some not so much

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_Recent Activity:_

Dwight and **Pam Beesly Halpert** are friends.

Dwight commented on **Michael Scott's** status.

Dwight likes _**The X-Files**_.

**Holly Flax** likes this.

**Holly Flax** I LOVED that show

**Dwight K. Schrute **I never pegged you as an X Phile.

**Holly Flax** Oh, yeah. Never missed an episode.

**Dwight K. Schrute **Neither did I. Total shame that it is no longer on the air. Favorite characters?

**Holly Flax** I pretty much liked everyone but that god-awful Fowley. I was always rooting for MSR. What about you?

**Dwight K. Schrute **Characters: Mulder, Scully, the gunmen. Ships: Teena Mulder/CSM.

**Holly Flax** Hated CSM

**Dwight K. Schrute **He was absolutely despicable but intriguing and complex.

**Holly Flax** Yeah, that's true.

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**Michael Scott** OK Dwight. First impression – this guy is kinda weird. Like about you – loyalty. Dislike – you're an idiot.

**Dwight K. Schrute **likes this.

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**Dwight K. Schrute **If you "like" my status I will tell you my first impression of you, what I like about you, and what I dislike about you. Bring it on, people.

**Rolf Urbaniak **and **Jim Halpert** like this.

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_Recent Activity:_

Dwight wrote on **Rolf Urbaniak**'s wall.

Dwight wrote on **Jim Halpert**'s wall.

Dwight commented on **Pam Beesly Halpert**'s status.

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**Pam Beesly Halpert** First impression: This guy has really beady eyes. Like: I liked that you were so nice to me when you had a concussion. You probably don't remember this. Dislike: You're kind of obnoxious.

**Jim Halpert** The first thing you noticed where his eyes?

**Pam Beesly Halpert **He was staring at me.

**Dwight K. Schrute **Jim, the eyes are one of the most valuable parts of the body. Mine are superior than the average man's, which is probably why she noticed. Pam, thank you for the honest assessment…when did I have a concussion? I have no recollection of that.

**Jim Halpert **A few years ago when Michael burnt his foot on his foreman grill. You were going to pick him up and bring him to work and you crashed your car into a pole.

**Dwight K. Schrute** I asked Pam.

**Jim Halpert **This is me on Jim's account.

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**Dwight K. Schrute **Fact: beets are such a superior food.

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**Dwight K. Schrute **"Fear of a name increases fear of a thing itself."

**Rolf Urbaniak **Oh brother

**Dwight K. Schrute **Do not "oh brother" the words of Albus Dumbledore!

**Rolf Urbaniak **I'm more of a death eater fan. But you knew that.

**Dwight K. Schrute **Yet we're friends despite that…

**Rolf Urbaniak ** What a thought.

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A/N:

Next FB fic will either be Andy or Pam.

The other day around 4 AM I started writing some bad!fic. Really bad bad!fic. Here, I'll quote:

"Michael is like Barrack Obama," Dwight told the camera, "and I am like Rahm Emanuel. Rahm Emanuel has Barrack Obama's back. I'm going to get to the bottom of this."

xxxxx

Phyllis leaned over, and whispered to Dwight, "I know why he's worried. Come to the break room and I'll give you answers."

"Before we begin, I have three wishes," she stated matter-of-factly.

"For Pete's sake, what do I look like, a genie?"

Phyllis gave him a piercing stare, "Three wishes, or you'll never know what's bothering Michael."

xxxxxx

"Holly and I had a lot of love for one another," Michael said, "She was the Jocasta to my Oedipus."

"No…no," moaned Oscar, "That is a terrible comparison."

...yeah. I'm debating whether to continue or not.

**Oh! To channel Dwight, question**: do you guys prefer when actual plot-like things occur in these (Michael and Holly's fight, Kelly and Darryl getting together), or do you prefer when it's just sort of random, like this one was?

One last thing, and then I'll stop before this becomes the longest A/N ever: review and give me a prompt, and I'll write you a Michael/Holly oneshot.


End file.
